Motherhood’s Uncharted Waters: 10 Lessons I Wish I’d Known

There’s an old saying that goes: Children aren’t born with a manual. And honestly, nothing could be truer. Like many first-time mothers, I embarked on my journey into motherhood with no clue what to expect. My approach was guided mostly by instinct, fueled by a fierce desire to protect my child and navigate this new role on my own terms. I envisioned a picture-perfect plan for giving birth and imagined the blissful early moments, days, and years with my baby. But, as life often reminds us, reality rarely matches our fantasies.

The truth? Motherhood, from childbirth to raising a child, is wildly unpredictable and often uncontrollable. No amount of planning or daydreaming could have prepared me for what was to come. Now, three years in, I’ve learned more than I ever could have imagined — sometimes through trial and error, sometimes through hard-earned experience.

Looking back, I realise the thing I craved most during those early days was a close relationship with my mother. I missed having someone who could offer unfiltered, loving guidance, someone who understood what I was going through. But for reasons beyond my control, I didn’t have that kind of relationship, and I had to find my way without it.

So, here I am, sharing the ten lessons motherhood has taught me — lessons I wish I’d known before becoming a mom. While my experiences might not mirror yours exactly, these are insights that I hope will resonate with other moms, especially those who find themselves navigating this journey without a map.

1. Brace for Impact: Expect the Unexpected

Before I was pregnant, I had this preconceived notion of what pregnancy should be — serene, glowing, like the perfect image from a movie or magazine. But reality was far from that. After three miscarriages and a stillbirth, my fifth pregnancy was a physically and emotionally taxing journey. I spent ten months confined to bed, under the care of four specialists, battling anxiety and fear.

I tried to find comfort in the idea of a natural birth. Surely, I thought, if my pregnancy wasn’t the dream I envisioned, my delivery could be. But after 18 hours of labor, multiple failed epidurals, and no dilation, I found myself pleading for an emergency C-section. I had never considered this as an option — I was unprepared for the trauma of it all: the sensory overload, the feeling of being helpless, and not being able to hold my baby immediately after birth.

The biggest takeaway? Prepare for the unexpected. Birth plans are great, but flexibility is crucial. Sometimes, reality doesn’t align with our hopes, and that’s okay.

2. Breastfeeding: A Journey of Commitment and Pain

Breastfeeding was something I was determined to succeed at. But those first four days after birth felt like an eternity. My milk didn’t come in, my son struggled to latch, and I found myself silently crying, fearing I’d fail at this too. With the help of a lactation consultant, things eventually clicked, but breastfeeding was still a marathon of challenges: sore nipples, engorged breasts, leaking milk, sleepless nights.

I breastfed for two years, and though it brought moments of deep connection, the eventual weaning process was one of the hardest separations I’ve ever experienced. It was emotional for both me and my son, and I was unprepared for how difficult letting go would be.

3. The Co-Sleeping Conundrum

Co-sleeping seemed like the easiest, most comforting option in the early days, but looking back, I wish I had set firmer boundaries from the start. My fear of him getting hurt in his crib led me to keep him in our bed longer than I should have. What followed were months of sleep deprivation, frustration, and tension. It took a year and a half before we finally managed to sleep-train him.

The lesson here? While co-sleeping can feel natural, it’s important to think long-term. Establishing good sleep habits early could have saved us a lot of sleepless nights.

4. Breaking Family Cycles: A Constant Battle

Despite my best intentions, I found myself falling into the same parenting patterns I vowed to avoid. We all carry the weight of our upbringing, and when a child enters the picture, old dynamics tend to resurface. My husband and I brought different childhood experiences into our parenting, which led to clashes we hadn’t anticipated.

Unlearning harmful patterns is hard, but becoming aware of them is the first step toward change. It’s a continuous process of reflection and growth.

5. The Dependency Phase is Fleeting

There were days when I wondered if I’d ever regain my independence, consumed by the demands of a newborn. But as my son reached milestones like walking, things became easier. Looking back, I wish someone had told me how quickly the dependency phase would pass.

In the moment, it can feel all-consuming, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Cherish the moments of closeness, but know that it won’t last forever.

6. Milestones Require Consistency and Effort

I learned that milestones don’t just happen — they require dedication and consistency. From sleep training to potty training, every achievement took work. And just when you think you’ve mastered one stage, the next one is right around the corner.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but remembering that each step builds toward your child’s growth helps ease the pressure.

7. Separation is Hard for Both of Us

The first major separation — weaning, in my case — was heart-wrenching. It wasn’t just about the physical act of breastfeeding but about letting go of my baby’s early stages. I wasn’t ready to accept that my son was growing up.

Learning to navigate these separations is tough, but each one marks a new stage of growth for both mother and child.

8. Balancing Your Needs with Your Child’s

Finding the balance between meeting your child’s needs and honouring your own is a delicate dance. I realised that while I wanted to be the best mom possible, I couldn’t sacrifice my own well-being.

A happy, fulfilled mother is crucial for raising a happy, well-adjusted child. It’s about finding harmony — giving your child what they need while not losing yourself in the process.

9. No Such Thing as a “Good” Kid

The idea of a “good” baby is a myth. Children are complex little beings, capable of a wide range of emotions and behaviors. My son has been sweet, curious, and affectionate, but he’s also thrown tantrums and tested my patience.

What matters is helping our children navigate their emotions, not labelling them as “good” or “bad.”

10. It Truly Takes a Village

I tried to handle motherhood on my own at first, but I’ve since learned the importance of a support system. No one can do it all alone, and there’s no shame in asking for help. Whether it’s family, friends, or other parents, having people to lean on makes all the difference.

Your child benefits from the love and care of others, just as much as you benefit from having a break. Motherhood isn’t a solo journey, and embracing your village makes it richer and more fulfilling.

Motherhood is messy, unpredictable, and at times overwhelming, but it’s also beautiful in its chaos. These lessons have shaped me as a mother and a woman. If I could offer any advice to new moms, it would be this: Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough.

Sarah the Digital GypSea

Romania, September 2019